


Now that their war is over

by Applesith



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Demisexuality, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Grey Jedi, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Picnics, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Rey feels lonely, attempt at in-character, evocation of non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-01 10:48:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6515113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applesith/pseuds/Applesith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war is over but Rey and Ren have been tasked by Luke to discover the "Origin." <br/>-----------------------------------------------------<br/>[Post-TFA / Post everything story based on the idea that Rey and Kylo are together by the end of the trilogy and setting up a Grey Jedi academy in a galaxy that distrust them.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Paradise found

The first time Rey took his hands in hers, Kylo closed his eyes and waited. She wanted to kiss him but she didn’t know how. When she finally let go, he stood still, with his eyes still shut, until the echo of her footsteps disappeared. He wanted to teach her, to touch her, but now that the war, _their war_ , was over he wasn’t sure he could love without hurting her.

 

* * *

 

Rey sighed. She was tired and she had an ache in her legs after trekking along the coast all day. The small peninsula reminded her of Ahch-To; It was wild, isolated, and she could almost hear the Force whispering in the wind when she closed her eyes. During the day it was only accessible from mainland by using a sandy strip of land that slithered through the sea. By night, when the tide was high, it was cut off from the rest of the world.

She smiled to herself and took a deep breath. The fresh and salty air coming from the sea carried a very faint smell of seaweed. The weather on this planet was ideal and the locals were friendly. Summers were hot, but not as scorching as Jakku; whereas winters were cold, but not as icy as Starkiller base. It was no coincidence both side of the Force had called to them. This is where they could start anew.

She approached the main building located on top of the hill, more a shack made of salvaged concrete and durasteel walls than a proper structure for now. They were still arguing whether to call it a temple or an academy, so for the time being they simply called it home. It didn't matter since they had no followers, no pupils and hardly any visitors at all. She sometimes wondered if they would ever receive any. She was keenly aware that many considered them both monsters in their own way. After all, they had been given many names over the years: traitors, freaks, murderers, heroes, legends, saviours.

All applied to both, all were true at some point.

She tugged at their connection to see if Kylo was inside but he didn’t seem to be around.

Not everyone understood their strange alliance, the way the Force surrounded them and bonded them. She hoped that someday the galaxy could forget, if it could not forgive.

 

* * *

 

Kylo came back late that night. Rey was still awake, hunched over her workbench, working on a droid she was building from scratch, using parts she had acquired at the local junkyard the week prior. They had the resources to buy a new one but she didn’t like to waste. In her eyes nothing was ever so broken it couldn’t be repaired.

He closed the distance between them in only a few steps and draped his arms around her, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

“I’ve found it,” he said, before kissing that little spot of flesh under the ear that made her shiver every time. His voice was low and inviting. She felt his right hand trailing slowly on the side of her body before he grabbed at the front of her tunic, between her legs, and started rubbing in a suggestive manner. She would never get used to his reach. Whether they were fighting or fucking, it seemed he always had access to every inch of her body.

“Will you come with me tonight?”

She chuckled. The meaning was not lost on her.

“Where is it? Is it far from here?” She asked. “I’ve been walking all day. I’d rather not go too far tonight.”

He lifted her from the ground like she weighed nothing and sat her on the table, so she could  look at him in the eyes. Nowadays she was wearing her hair in a single bun and no matter how hard she tried to keep them all tied together, a few strands were always getting loose, framing that perfectly shaped face he only ever wanted to cover with kisses. Except for the little scar on the top corner of her lip she hadn’t changed much in the two and something years their paths had crossed for the first time. The light in her eyes was a little dimmer maybe, after all the fighting she’d seen, the friends she’d lost and the burden of surviving the war in general. Yet, every time he looked at her it felt like basking in the warmth of a thousand suns. Her smile still made him weak at the knees. He got closer. Her legs were hanging on both sides of his hips. He still didn’t believe she wanted to be with him _that way_.

“We can arrange that,” he simply responded while helping her wriggling out of that tired grey pair of trousers.

She watched him kneel and a sharp noise escaped her lips as his cold metallic fingers parted her, right before his warm tongue started dancing on her clit. It was becoming part of their daily routine, since that night a couple of weeks before. When she had finally mustered enough courage to keep his hands in hers and not run away. They were still discovering one another, at their own pace. They had all the time in the world after all, and she knew he was as afraid as she was. Maybe more. She could feel it.

Since Snoke and Luke had died during the duel that sealed the fate of the galaxy, the bond was getting stronger and some days she could feel his emotions sharper than her own, a lingering sensation at the back of her head. It was telling her he knew she didn’t really love him, that what they were sharing was only a pinch of loneliness and lust poured over their open wounds. One morning they would wake up and start hating each other once more. Unless it was her own thoughts? She couldn’t tell the difference anymore, that’s why she prefered not to talk about it.

She had trouble keeping her head straight with his tongue on her sex, but she needed to ask.

“Where is it then? How did you find it?”

He paused and looked up, his face still buried in her thighs, a little disappointed she wasn’t paying more attention to what he was doing.

“It called to me. It’s in a grotto, north from here,” he responded. “We can go now if you’d rather...” he paused before planting a kiss on her thigh.

“No!” she exclaimed, a little too eager for her taste. She felt foolish now. That’s not what she meant. Not all all.

“Good,” he announced with a smirk on his face, disappearing once more in her folds. “I haven’t finished what I started,” he added with a muffled voice, before placing the tip of his tongue right on top of her little bud of nerves. He knew there was nothing that could set her on fire more than that. Just a little bit of pressure and a steady rhythm, applied to the right spot and the flesh against his nose and lips started twitching on its own. There was nothing she could do to hide it from him, her body responded to his every command when he pressed the right button.

He wondered. _Does it work on every woman?_ He’d probably never know as there was no one else he wanted to be close to. He’d never been aroused before meeting Rey, not like this at least. He may have had a few infatuations as a boy but nothing of this magnitude. She had awakened something powerful in him on Takodana, something dark too. He still had violent dreams he dared not speaking of, visions born from the loss of his mind after Starkiller base. Nowadays he suspected Snoke planted them, unless it was just a convenient lie he was telling himself. Deep down he knew he wanted to do these things to her. No, he corrected himself. Not _to_ her, _with_ her.

He brushed the thought aside, trying to focus on her reactions to his touch. She never screamed or called his name, yet the way she tilted her head, the way she bit her lip, the way she started imposing her rhythm unconsciously while stroking his hair revealed more than a thousand words. She was getting close, he could almost feel it too, the knot of energy building up at the base of her belly, mixed with his own. Her breathing was getting louder and her grip tighter. Yet there was something else, a faint presence at the back of her mind that always prevented her to release the energy fully, something he couldn’t touch even when trying to penetrate her mind. She couldn’t give in completely to the pleasure and he couldn’t explain why. He grabbed at her buttocks and brought her as close as possible. She let a cry out as the muscles in her center clenched but he wouldn’t let her escape, still suckling lightly to her sensitive spot, with his eyes glued to her flushed face.

“Kylo! Let go!” She managed to utter while hitting him on the head a few times with her open palms. “It hurts now.”

He eventually let go of her and stood up with a smug grin on his face before giving her a big sloppy kiss on the forehead. A part of her wanted to slap him in the face for toying with her like that but she was afraid he would enjoy it too much. Maybe one day? She just wasn’t ready to get into that kind of foreplay yet. Instead she was going to give him a taste of his own medicine. She jumped on her feet and brought him closer. His eyes widen up as she started rubbing at the bulge in his pants with her palm. She could not let him have the upper hand after all. He watched her unbuttoning his pants lazily and shrugged when her hand reached for his erection. It  felt cool on his skin, a welcome sensation all considered. He nudged at their bond to read her feelings. What was she planning? He could tell she was aroused but she was still unsure of what they have, what she was ready to do. He placed a kiss on her lips. “Turn over.” She wasn’t ready and he wasn’t going to pressure her. He needed her to feel ready, to give herself fully. She planted her eyes on him, trying to read his feelings in return and flashed one of her coy smiles before turning her back on him. She felt a bit guilty of not being able to reciprocate the attention but he seemed to understand. She placed her hands on the workbench and parted her legs ever so slightly. With his left hand he rubbed the tip of his penis against her slit and started pumping against her. It was warm and sleek. Definitely enough to drive him over the edge.

He slipped his mechanical arm under the top of her tunic and started stroking her with only one finger, from the base of her neck to that sensitive zone, right above the ass. She yelped. The metal was cold on her back but he knew she had other reasons to shiver. She would never admit it openly but words were useless when her body squirmed the way it did under the touch of the metal.

He wondered if it was the reason why she didn’t mind doing it over the discarded parts of the droid she was building but his train of thoughts was suddenly interrupted when her hand reached for his sex.

She parted her lips further apart so she could rest better on top of his cock. Just the thought of it made him twitch. Their hips finally locked into a similar tempo he didn’t last much longer and let out a guttural groan when his seed splattered the inside of her thighs. They had made a mess of her workbench but it didn’t seem to matter to her. He unceremoniously flipped her over and lifted her with just one arm, glistening and powerful, and kissed her hard on the lips. She deepened the kiss, parting his lips with her tongue, before asking him to let go.  He watched her grab one of the cleanest rag she’d used to polish the droid parts and smiled to himself at the view of her skin smeared with oil and the remnant of his semen.

“You know what we need in this facility?” He finally said to break the silence. “A kriffing bathtub!”


	2. Under the moon

As soon as the black and orange X-wing took off, Rey put her arms around Kylo and rested her forehead against his back. She needed to feel his warmth after waving Poe goodbye.

“Don’t get angry. He’s not worth it,” she said tenderly.

Once again, the pilot, under the false pretense of an “important mission” in their vicinity had paid them an unexpected visit. Neither of them were fooled by his intrusions though. They knew _they_ were his mission, if not entirely, at least partially. A footnote in his reports. He was sent by General Organa to spy on them, to observe, to decrypt. Was Rey truly happy? Was she his prisoner? Was he using mind control on her? Did she bear marks of any sort? Any sign of pregnancy? Why else would she want to stay with him? 

In their bigotry and skewed understanding of the Force they never assumed Rey herself could be the dark puppeteer of their relationship. The thought of their meddling with their affairs was infuriating. How dare they pretended to care when none of Rey’s friends had ever attempted to come see her?

“I know his visits leave you sadder every time. I can feel it. We should tell them once and for all to let you be. Let _us_ be,” he argued in this rude, presumptuous tone he adopted as soon as he was talking about the Resistance.

She smiled to herself. Some things would never change

She let go of him, sat down on the grass and looked at the stars above.The summer breeze felt good on her flushed face. She always felt light headed after drinking some of the Corellian wine Poe never missed to bring with him.

“Why dwell on it? It’s not like we’re going to change their mind,” she said. “And how would you react if you were them? What do you expect?”

She was not going to try and convince him that her friends were hurt too. The war was over but the galaxy was not peaceful. Everyone was trying to rebuild. Everyone was grieving.

When he was brooding like this, only one thing worked.

She grabbed his hand, invited him to sit down and to shut up. She was making him do things he never imagined being able to do. Romantic things. Things that were poetic, not just useful or pragmatic. Until their joining his life had been very ritualistic. Every action, every decision had a meaning, a purpose. Mysticism was at the center of his existence. Tonight, he was sitting in the grass, under the full moon, with the girl he loved, beside the leftovers of an half-eaten picnic. Really, Darth Vader would not be impressed with his grand-son.

Rey looked at him with that strange cheeky smile she flashed every time she’d caught one of his random thoughts by mistake.

“What are you laughing at scavenger?”

“Oh. I’m just laughing at you Master of the Knights of Ren,” she responded, adopting his mocking tone.

He wasn’t getting tired of looking at her face. Just seeing her like that, made him hard. She was everything he’d ever wanted to be, everything he’d ever wanted to have and she was his. His. Not Finn’s, not Poe’s. His!

She squinted her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. It's unsettling.”

The remark made him queasy. Since he was a boy people always grew wary around him, he’d always resented their fear and their cowardice. Rey was different, she’d seen past the creature in a mask. She was the only one talking to him like he was a real person.

“I’m...sorry” he responded sheepishly.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, closing down the distance between them and planting a kiss on his parted lips. The wine tasted better on her tongue than in his glass. Obviously Poe had shit taste in men _and_ in wine.

She tugged her hand under his tunic and began caressing his torso, tracing lazily the lines of his muscles before sliding down toward his belly. He swore when she unexpectedly stabbed his belly button with her pinky, laughing. Dameron, the Resistance, his estranged mother, all was forgotten now. There was only room for them.

“Remove your clothes,” she said like it was the most natural, casual thing to say in the world.

The hushed order sent a shiver down his spine, she’d never been so forward before. She watched him in silence peeling off the layers of dark material before removing her own shirt. She’d barely tossed it on the side, that his eager mouth was already all over her small breasts.

“Hey!” She laughed. “You just had dinner. You can’t be that hungry.”

“I suddenly have a big appetite,” he grinned, suckling at her left nipple. He liked to see how they perked up when he played with them.

When he was done with teasing and nibbling, he pushed her on her back unceremoniously and grabbed her wrists. She gasped when he pinned her arms above her head and sat with his knees resting on either side of her chest. She was completely exposed under his gaze but so was he, his erect sex pointing toward her, almost aggressively. He followed her eyes, looked down and grinned.

“Like what you see?”

The more they experimented together the more cocky he became. She didn’t like that.

“Not sure. It looks a bit sad,” she replied with her best air of defiance.

“Want to kiss it better?”

“No,” she responded with more assurance.

When he suddenly realized she wasn’t playing anymore he let go of her hands, alarmed. It was the second time tonight he’d failed to read her emotions, too busy enjoying himself.

“I…” he tried to articulate. “I think I’ll go tomorrow.”

She cocked her eyebrow.

“You want to do that tomorrow?”

He’d shown her the grotto three days ago but they hadn’t stayed long inside. Thinking of it still made her uneasy. It was where the dark side lingered.

He slid off her and lied down on his back, watching at the moon. He knew what she was thinking and he was apprehensive too.

He waited a few minutes before rolling over and spooned her, resting his chin on her shoulder. She could feel his dying erection pressing against her hips and was struggling to keep her train of  thoughts.

A part of her craved the contact of his body. She wanted to feel his large, powerful hands all over her, to feel his tongue in her mouth, on her breasts, on her navel, on her sex, but she was scared too. Scared he would get tired of her, that he would stop respecting her if she gave too much.

She’d dreamed some of his dreams, she knew what he was too shy or afraid (or both) to ask her to do.

She hadn’t told him any of this and he’d never spoke of seeing her dreams so she wasn’t sure it was an ability he had. Their bond was a strange thing that both of them still struggled to understand.

Now that he wanted to go to the grotto she didn’t know what to do.

“Are you sure you’re in the right mindset?” She asked with genuine interest. “I know it requires a lot of meditation but…”

“It’s not the first time. At least, _now_ I know what to do,” he sneered at the memory of a naive young man angry with the galaxy, mad at his family, sitting alone in a Forge, over a cracked crystal.

The construction of a lightsaber was a serious matter. Not that Rey ever had the chance to make her own she thought bitterly. The search for her crystal was at a dead end so far. She knew it was here, somewhere on the island, but she seemed immune to its call and she didn’t know why.

She flipped over to face the man who had haunted her nightmares, the man she was now attached to; attracted to.

He was lying still, brushing her belly absentmindedly with the back of his fingers, the soft, warm ones. He looked withdrawn, almost sad. She cupped his sex gone flaccid and planted her eyes on him, trying to remember his face before the scar, before the joining. Under her grip the blood immediately rushed back to the tip of his member.

He still had the mask, somewhere in a crate with most of their belongings, but she wanted to remember the pale skin, the smugness, the condescending air, the brashness, all these defaults that were still a part of him. If she truly wanted him she needed to reconcile both aspect of his personality. The man he was before and the man he had become.

He closed his eyes for her, letting her take control of his cock. She could rip it off for all he knew, he didn’t care. He moaned as the pleasure was building up inside him. When the motion stopped, he jerked his eyes open, confused and begging for more. There was a little cruelty in the way she looked at him that made him feel weak inside. It was the look she had when she’d left him in the snow, beaten, bloodied and carved.

She pushed him on his back and straddled him, the way he had done to her before, and started pumping on his sex again, faster. He tried to touch her cheek with his mechanical arm but she slapped it away with her wrist. She didn’t speak but he understood the command when she parted her legs. Slowly, he reached under her and slid his hand inside her trousers. She pressed her sex against the cold metal and began pleasuring herself. He curled up two fingers and tried to invade her.

“Don’t move!” she ordered in a voice he’d never heard her speak.

He was both aroused and terrified at her sight. From this angle the moon casted an eerie aura all around her, like she was a pure manifestation of the Force. He was going to speak when she placed her thumb on top of his cock and started to rub against the most sensitive part of his anatomy. The signals of pleasure short-circuited all other cerebral functions. Seeing her riding him, with a feral look on her face, her breasts hard with desire made him forget everything he knew, everything he was.

She leaned in closer and adjusted herself so she could rest on top of his metal wrist while trapping his sex between their bodies.

“Close your eyes” she spoke in a softer voice.

That’s when he realized she was tapping in his mind.

“What do you see?” She asked.

He had difficulties making sense of his surroundings, not sure where his mind began and where hers finished. They were on the island but they were also...everywhere. Wherever that was it felt like _home_.

“I want you to come for me. Only me.” It was an order, a compulsion he couldn’t resist.

He opened his eyes wide open, obeying her command and reached his climax, white hot sticky fluid gushing out of his red flushed head. His seed puddled all over his belly, dripping from her slender fingers. It took a few more thrusts to Rey to join him in ecstasy but she came harder than she ever had, letting out a groan born from the deepest part of her, before collapsing on top of his body. When she opened her eyes again, she looked at him in confusion, as if she just got out of trance.

He grabbed her by the neck and whispered in her ear.

“I love you.”

Startled, she broke free of his embrace and looked at him in disbelief, unable to say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you found that story through the tag "picnics", please comment. I want to know! :D


	3. Rey's doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loneliness is slowly gnawing at her last defense and she wants to scream now. Whenever she closes her eyes, it’s his stupid face she sees. "I love you" he said like he meant it, yet the next day he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been experimenting -a lot- with this chapter and as you will notice from the start the style is -very- different from the first two. The reason is that I'm trying to give as much backstory as possible without transforming this story into a 200k words saga.
> 
> Anyway, this part focuses on Rey but starts with some disturbing dream Kylo is having. If non-con makes you uncomfortable, please skip the first part in italics.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _Red lights on black panel, the familiar hum of powerful engines like a background noise as subtle as his own heartbeat. They are back aboard the Finalizer._
> 
> _Her dirty sweat stained tunic joins the rest of her clothes on the floor. He’s removed everything but her armbands. Sitting in the leather chair of his quarters, fully clothed, he’s assessing the scavenger from head to toe. Her scrawny body, her small breasts and her dirty hair curtaining her boyish face._
> 
> _She’s trying to resist and to cry but her body is paralysed. He’s stronger with the Force, and demonstrates it._
> 
> _He grabs her hips and turns her over, to have a better view of her backside. He’s not gentle and has no intention to be. She has a small ass but it’s firm and round, and feminine enough._
> 
> _“The First Order would have fed you better. By now you would look like a real woman,” he says, hiding behind the mask._
> 
> _He won and convinced Supreme Leader Snoke to let him use the girl. He’s in control again. Control over himself, over his fears, over his desires, over her._
> 
> _He was nice the first time they met and paid a heavy price for it. He won’t make the same mistake again. The scars she’s left on his body are nothing compared to the hole she dug with her dirty fingernails in his soul and his heart._
> 
> _He is hers and she is his. It’s the way of the Force, she can’t deny it. They belong to each other and he’s about to prove it to her._

Kylo wakes up petrified, his heart menacing to break open his rib-cage. They’re not aboard the Finalizer, they can’t be because the Finalizer crashed nine months ago, when the Resistance led by Finn and Poe attacked the armada.

He looks around. Rey is lying next to him in bed. She’s fast asleep with her back turned to him. He needs to go. Now.

He grabs his clothes and the things he packed, and disappears into the night.

* * *

The older man offers his warmest smile while staring at her. It’s a game of willpower and persuasion.

“Thirty five credits,” he announces in Ubese. Despite being human he never speaks Basic with Rey. Every time she comes to his junkyard they bargain in a different language and today is no exception.

The first time she just assumed he was eccentric, the second time she came to suspect that, maybe, it was part of a plan to unsettle buyers and maximize his profits. But now she’s not so sure anymore. Maybe he was just like her when he was young, bored of living on a small planet where nothing ever happens, with too much time on his hands and a stock of holos. Practicing alien languages probably helped with his business the same way it helped her meeting spacers.

On Jakku, travelers were always surprised to hear a scrawny little girl communicating with all sorts of sentient species and droids and some were nice enough to tell her stories of their adventures. It’s how she heard, from the mouth of wookie traders, about the legendary smugglers Chewbacca and Han Solo. Little did she knew that years later the pair would change her life.

“Twenty five,” she counter-offers. “You know that capacitor is oxidized. The amount of elbow grease required to make it work correctly is worth ten credits down in my opinion.”

She smiles back to show she understands the rules of the game. Of course the man is offering a ridiculous price on purpose, that’s how they will settle down on a fair price for both parties, a notion she had to explain the Kylo the first time they came to shop for spare parts together.

She doesn’t even notice but her smiles grows wider as she remembers how she thoroughly schooled him on the fine art of negotiating and bargaining that day.

 

 

 

 

 

> _“No threatening and no mind tricks!” She tells him outside the junkyard. ”Let me do the talking.”_
> 
> _Kylo is taking offense to the notion he’s lacking interpersonal skills and isn’t able to buy a bunch of spare parts at a local junk dealer without spending all their money, but he agrees to stay still and observe._
> 
> _“You were right,” he concedes after leaving the tinkerer’s place. “After ten minutes I was ready to give him all our credits in hope he would shut his mouth.”_
> 
> _She’s flashing a cheeky smile at him, acknowledging for the first time that maybe it’s true, maybe he’s changed -- A little._

The man is now throwing his hands in the air in the most tragic gesture. You would think she asked for his first born.

“Thirty two,” he says, “and it’s my last price! I have a family to feed, a sick mother. Thirty two is the lowest I can go.”

 It’s Rey’s turn to feign indignation so she puts the capacitor back on the table like it suddenly caught fire.

 “Twenty seven. Not a credit more,” she points at the discarded part. “Look at that rust, look at it.”

 She can see on his face that they’ve reached a price he will agree to.

 “Twenty eight. It’s the least I can do” he finally announces with the look of a man who’s lost his last chip of planetary poker. She knows it’s just an act, it’s part of the game too.

She straightens up and adopt a business face.

"Twenty eight?” She nods in agreement. “Now, how much for those power cells?”

The game has only started.

 

* * *

 

The breeze coming from the sea feels good on her skin. It’s a very hot day, not as hot as the coldest day on Jakku of course, but warm enough to make clothes stick to the body.

Rey puts her acquisitions in the storage compartment of her speeder before looking around.

This time she didn’t build her drive from scratch but she added all sorts of upgrades and tuned it to her liking. At first sight it looks pretty standard, even unassuming, but it’s fast and there is more than enough storage space. For once her additions are both pleasing to the eye and convenient. On Jakku she had to do with what she had.

It’s market day and the streets near the port are busier than usual. There's no rush to go back home. If Kylo was back from the grotto, she would have felt it. At least she likes to think she would have felt it.

Since their arrival they’ve barely spent any time outside the island and there’s not much of the small coast town she has explored yet. Working on her droid can wait she thinks happily before joining the fray of families and merchants. Soon enough she’s surrounded by laughs, the bustling of conversations and the screaming of children running around playing hide and seek. She’s still amazed by how many colors there are in the universe. It’s something she’s still learning, the names of all the different shades of green, blue and red.

Growing up on Jakku she could tell all nuances of yellow and beige, all the names for the various types of dust, sand and rocks but nothing has prepared her for the nuances of colors and looks and taste of fruits and vegetables, of flowers, and trees.

She’s reaching the corner of the two main streets when she’s greeted by one of the most delicious smells she’s ever smelled. Desperate to discover what makes her mouth salivate with anticipation and her belly growl like a beast, she scans the small plaza and spots a tiny old woman hunched over what looks like a grill station. If it’s a restaurant it’s the smallest she’s ever seen, with only a handful of tables in the open and a small droid who looks like a re-purposed astromech helping with the service.

From where she stands the woman seems to be throwing on the grill a mix of marinated meats, fresh fish and vegetables before pouring a secret sauce from a bottle she keeps jealously at her side. Rey rushes to take a seat and orders one portion of meat and one portion of vegetables. She’s starving.

It doesn’t take long before the droid brings two bowls filled to the brim. Rey’s eyes widen when she tries the first mouthful. It tastes even better than it smells. She’s never eaten anything like it. The slices of meat and fish are slightly salted while the vegetables are sweet. Poured all over, the sauce acts as a binding and titillates her taste buds.

She’s halfway through her dish when a young couple approaches and sits at the opposite table. The man looks like Finn and for a split second Rey’s attention is diverted from the food.

Did he finally manage to find the time to come and see her? But it’s not him and she quickly looks away when the couple notices the weird woman with a scar on her upper lip sitting alone with a humongous amount of food in front of her, ogling them.

Despite her best efforts she can’t help but glance in their direction. The young man really does look like Finn, but he’s thinner and less athletic. After all there’s very little chance he’s an ex-stormtrooper who is now celebrated as a war hero and a prominent figure of the Resistance. The girl has red hair and freckles and tilts her head and chuckles every time he talks. Rey wonders if she looks like that when she’s with Kylo. Probably not, what they have is a very different kind of intimacy. They don’t even have to look at each other to know what the other is thinking or doing. It’s both a curse and a blessing. There’s no lie, no deception between them. What they try to hide they keep locked behind heavy curtains -- A dead end in their connection. She remembers tapping into his mind that last night, before he left. It was a mistake.

The couple is holding hands and whispering sweet things, laughing and smiling at each other when the re-purposed astromech droid arrives with their order. The clatter of knives and forks brings her back to reality and she realises she hasn’t even finished her own food. If she hadn’t been called by the Force, could she be that girl whispering into Finn’s ear some simple words of affection? Would she be holding hands, smiling and nodding, living a simpler life?

She stretches and looks around her. The plaza seems busy and noisy and distracting now.

If she hadn’t be called by the Force, she wouldn’t have met Beebee-Ate and Finn anyway, so there’s no reason to ponder. She knows what would have happened. She would still be stuck on Jakku pretending to wait for her family, scavenging for the Blobfish.

She looks down at her plate in disgust. The sauce has congealed and she’s not hungry anymore. She doesn’t even look in the couple’s direction when she takes her leave. She has many things to do on the island.

 

* * *

 

Rey tosses and turns over in her cot for hours before accepting she won’t find sleep tonight.

The compound is quiet, too quiet, and she can’t stop thinking about the couple she saw the day before. She also thinks a lot about _him_ , about _them_. He’s been gone for five days now.

Five days is a long time.

She tries to chase the bad feelings away by breathing in and out slowly. She’s starting to feel restless, sad and abandoned and she’s not sure if it’s because of their bond or if she’s experiencing her own distress. There’s no island to dream of anymore, they’ve reached their final destination. That’s a scary thought for a twenty three year old.

She turns over and looks at the shadows projected on the wall. What is he doing now? He wasn’t supposed to leave in the middle of the night.  

She’s been alone all of her life and always took care of herself so why is she unable to find sleep if he’s not there? It’s only been three weeks since they started sharing a bed, it’s not like she really needs him.

She tries to close her eyes again. It’s not just his arms around her, it’s his presence she misses. She hasn’t spent a night alone since they escaped.

At first he was just there, sitting somewhere at the back of the ship they had stolen before the explosion.

 

 

 

 

> _Right after the attack it was mayhem, the ship’s instruments were in disarray and they only had their guts and the Force to navigate through the field of debris. He let her take the pilot seat without argument and assumed the role of co-pilot. He stayed silent most of the time, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of the blood he’d lost or if he was in shock. Most likely a mix of both. Everything he had fought for was a lie, he had lost everything and betrayed everyone._
> 
> _Once they were safe he had completely shut down, lost in grief. They barely spoke, barely looked at each other. He would meditate for hours, and she would resist contacting the Resistance. She wasn’t supposed to. They needed to answer the call first, discover the Origin. They were following Luke’s orders._
> 
> _If Kylo was leaving his cabin he would simply come and say “I felt something”. They would study the charts and jump before going back to their separate lives, only a few meters apart._
> 
> _After a month they still had no idea where they were going and what they were going to do if they found what they were looking for._
> 
> _Rey’s friends probably assumed she was dead alongside Snoke, Luke and Kylo Ren. Did they cry? Did they miss her? Many nights she’d locked herself in the small cabin she’d claimed. She wasn’t afraid of him anymore, she was afraid of herself. Afraid of feeling compassion for him, an enemy of the Resistance._
> 
> _She wanted to talk to someone; she didn’t want to be alone._
> 
> _Luke was the only one to understand. The only one who knew. He too had felt it, the alien sensation you’re staring at a mirror when you look into your enemy’s eyes. People wanted Luke to hate Darth Vader, and she was supposed to hate Kylo Ren. Simple feelings for simple people. But nothing was simple in her life anymore and you can’t go back to call someone a monster once you’ve seen behind the mask. She had a piece of him inside her and he had a piece of her inside him; they were no strangers anymore._
> 
> _Still, it had taken another month before she could knock on his door._
> 
> _“I’m here.”_
> 
> _Simple words that lead to complicated things._
> 
> _They’d spent another month in space, sitting next to each other, hopping from system to system, until they found the Origin._
> 
> _The sense of shock and disbelief in the voice of the radio operator had transpired across the galaxy when Rey had identified herself and announced she was with Kylo Ren, former master of the Knights of Ren and that she demanded a complete pardon for his crimes in exchange for the whereabouts of any remaining First Order agents and conspirators._
> 
> _General Organa herself had snapped the operator’s headset and demanded explanations. Her ire was audible and Rey had been gentle but firm. She would not reveal their current location until they had the promise no harm would come to either of them._
> 
> _Three months to find the location of the island but only three minutes to lose their status of martyrs and war heroes._
> 
> _Leia was silent at the other end of the stars but they’d felt the tremors in the Force as if she was standing next to them._
> 
> _She hadn’t promise anything._
> 
> _“These things takes time, the members of the government need to be consulted, it’s not easy.”_
> 
> _Rey had agreed to make contact three days later and was relieved to hear an agreement was in order. Poe had showed up not long after, only armed with his suave smile and his cute astromech droid._

 

Loneliness is slowly gnawing at her last defense and she wants to scream now. Whenever she closes her eyes, it’s his stupid face she sees. _I love you_ he said like he meant it, yet the next day he was gone.

He never tried to hide his feelings, never tried to lie. He’s a self centered idiot but he never lies to to her, why would he start now?

She draws a deep breath, trying to remember what Luke taught her, how to let go of her emotions. Stang! She misses him too. He isn’t visiting either. Aren’t Force ghosts supposed to guide the living?

Yet again, Kylo is right, none of the people she calls her friends have tried to make direct contact since they returned from the dead. Most likely they’re scared or disgusted by what she is, what she has become. None of them understand what she’s witnessed, what she’s been chosen to be, chosen to do.

Tears of bitterness form at the corner of her eyes. She was happier when she had nothing to look for, no identity, no future and no attachments.

To add to the insult, Kylo has been called and she hasn’t. Even the Force seems to reject her.

She knows she made a promise, that she wouldn’t tug at their bond while he’s in a meditative state but the temptation is too strong. He left without a word. She needs to know if he’s okay, that he hasn’t changed his mind, that he will come back for her.

_No._

She knows she shouldn’t. She’s given her word she wouldn’t. She will never forgive herself if something happens because of her.

She turns over and buries her head in his side of the cot, trying to remember his odour. She acts quite pathetically in his absence for someone who isn’t in love she reckons. She doesn’t need him, she’s better off on her own. Yet, she has to admit he’s awoken something in her she can’t control any longer.

She closes her eyes and tries to focus, but all she can see is his lips devouring hers, his piercing eyes following her every move and his hands all over her body. She shrugs. His love is scary at times. There’s nothing he has to offer she can’t get herself she thinks with defiance.

She cups her left breast and feels at the smooth skin under her palm. She circles her nipple with her index finger in very slow motion. It perks up immediately but it doesn’t ignite a fire in the pit of her stomach the way it does when Kylo touches her.

It never felt the same.

Jakku is a sad, lonely place and, growing up, she had more pressing issues to deal with than exploring her body. She’s not completely ignorant though. It’s not like she never had to deal with surges of desires on her own before. She was just pragmatic about it, practical. Back then, if she wanted to touch herself it meant she needed to pack extra supplies the next day. Her body was simply informing her she would bleed soon.

This time it isn’t her cycle. She needs to feel the ecstasy, experience the release.

She trails down, past her bellybutton and caresses her hair, down there, twirling her fingers in her curls in search of her need. She feels silly and she can’t explain why. When Kylo does it, it feels like her center of gravity is pulled down.

She pushes further, past her lips and presses her middle finger on top of her bud. She’s dry as Namenthe's Crater. She cusses as tears are coming back. Her own body is betraying her, failing her. She isn’t going to let it win, her mind is stronger. Humans and machines are not so dissimilar, all she needs is to kickstart the yearning.  

She covers her sex with her hand and plunges her major finger inside her slit carelessly. It’s warm and slick. If Kylo was there no doubt she would be wet with desire already, but he’s not there.

She can push herself over the edge, she knows she can, she doesn’t need anyone in her life or in her bed.

She parts her legs further and touches her clit with her lubricated finger. This time the friction is a little easier, a little less painful but it’s still not enough. Several times she tries, several times she fails. She’s getting frustrated at herself, mad at Kylo for leaving her, for making her do things like this.

She lifts her knees to her chest to give her more control and unceremoniously digs two digits, fast and hard. It doesn’t hurt but it doesn’t feel good either. She wonders if there’s something wrong with her, if she’s broken inside. The red haired girl will probably never have to do what she’s doing. She has a nice boyfriend, a cute boyfriend.

One, two, three times she rams her fingers inside her. Four, five, six. She feels nothing.

She tries to imagine Kylo’s hands instead. How is he able to fill her with only one finger and make her toes curl up, make her hips jerk with pleasure? Under his touch she becomes a bundle of nerves, not a single spot of her body isn’t responding to his command. His breath alone set her skin ablaze like oxygen on embers.

She digs her fingers once more and, with her other hand, starts rubbing her clitoris faster. This time she’s imagining his tongue on her center, his fingers moving inside her. She wants him but he isn’t there. What she’s doing is not enough.

She let a heavy sigh out and her body collapses on the cot, she’s a little ashamed, a little angry. Her fingers are sticky and stinky, her inside feel bruised after the intrusion but she’s still too far from release. She wants him in her arms tonight, she needs him, only him can give her what she’s craving for. It’s unfair. It wasn’t supposed to be.

He loves her, she knows it’s true and maybe that’s what she wants, maybe that’s what she needs. Someone who only wants her, who only needs her. When she’s in his arms she can read his mind and steal his desire for her. On her own she’s just a scrawny girl no one cares about anymore, discarded on Jakku.

 

 

 

> _During their first visit Poe told them Finn had met a girl, a nice girl with black hair and a cute smile._
> 
> _“Everyone thought you were dead,” he’d said “No one expected you to come back.”_
> 
> _She had waited for the pilot to leave and took Kylo’s hand in hers. His love was scary, but it was genuine._

She closes her eyes and starts to imagine what she would do to him instead. She pictures him, his full lips, his long nose, the ears he’s so self conscious about, the way he wears his hair. As usual he’s wearing too many layers of clothes so she needs to help him out of every single garment.

She isn’t getting used looking at him naked. She shouldn’t find his scars and battle marks attractive because they are a testimony to his reckless nature, of his mistakes, of his flaws. Yet she wants to kiss them all, to feel them under her fingers. She wants to send shivers down his spine when nibbling at the spot where his implants meet with his flesh, where the wound Chewbacca’s bowcaster has left a mess of scar tissue. From there she wants to fall to her knees and kiss at his hip joints, that zone nobody else than her has ever laid a finger on before. Under her touch he’s getting hard in no time.

The mere thought of her power sends butterflies to her belly. She can feel the fluttery feeling invading her own core and the blood rushing between her legs. This time, when she touches at her entrance, she’s slick.

She turns her attention back to the vision of Kylo with his erect sex so close to her face. She’s seen in his dreams what he wants her to do. She’s not sure she can do it in real life, but now that she’s trapped inside her fantasy, there’s nothing she’s afraid of, nothing she feels ashamed of, nothing she doesn’t want to do. She imagines taking his length in her mouth while pleasuring herself and her whole body finally shakes under the orgasm that alluded her so much.

She jerks open her eyes and realises the dawn is coming. She’s sweaty and can feel her inside twitching madly. Something still isn’t right though. She doesn’t want a fantasy, she wants him.

She knows she shouldn’t. She’s given her word she wouldn’t but she needs him too badly.

She puts her clothes on and runs out of their makeshift home, to where the Dark side lingers. 


End file.
